Nothing Funny About Being Insane

I would like to preface today that I truly mean no offense to anyone in anything I write. For example I , myself, once got Botox. My experience was this : I secretly collected funds so my husband would not lecture me about frivolous vanity spending. I went to a local plastic surgeon he drew all over me in marker even on my stomach letting me be completely aware of  every imperfection I have . He then went on and on about my stretch marks and how he wouldn’t even start a tummy tuck until I lost 30 more lbs. and then insisted on taking unflattering pictures of me in my underwear so I could also see the important need of plastic surgery beyond the Botox I initially  came in for. He then administered the poison between my eyes to get rid of the crinkle I hate for only the cost of my entire self esteem and $119.

Two days later I was headed to my friends lake house. As I followed in my car we made a pit stop. I placed my sunglasses on the dashboard and went inside the gas station. As I pulled out of the gas station parking lot my sun glasses fell on to the floor of the passengers side and I could not squint to block the sun because the muscles there were no longer accessible. I had to pull over to get my sunglasses just do I could finish the drive.

I think Carrot Top may struggle to squint also.

To continue on I found this urgent need to lose a large amount of weight when Pauly Shore recently posted a twitter pic on twitter featuring yours truly! In this photo I am  looking over while he snapped it and twitter followers referred to me as the big creepy girl. So public humiliation is something I am familiar with. When I expressed my absolute mortification Pauly kindly removed the photo. I had deleted my Twitter account but when my 11 year old daughter informed me it had been removed I got back on. I am no one to be offended by . Clearly I am only someone to be mocked or drawn on if you have a magic marker in your pocket.

Today I was in an Insanity class.  I entered the class  and by the looks of things obviously missed the warm up. So I jumped right in. as we did some sort of burpie like move ( a push up position bounces both knees in and out but never leaving the plank position)  I was banging myself in the chin with my own breasts. As we went up and down my legs and feet ached like I had broken bones. My serious lack of coordination had me hopping in the young girl next to me personal space. The instructor was kind and friendly. I just couldn’t do this. When he stated alright we are coming to the end of our warm up I am sure I gasped out loud! I quietly and politely excused myself .

I took myself to the treadmill where I beat my run club 22 minute mile by doing it in 18 minutes!  I recommend Insanity if you are not overweight and clearly love hopping around and also have a supportive bra on but I am just not ready for this class!

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